“Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace.”
Coldplay – Fix You
I need permission to have a funeral.
I need freedom to be sad.
I am not hopeless so I do not need you to convince me things will get better. I see good things coming my way and I don’t want to miss them.
I need space to give up what I wanted so I can enjoy what I get.
I am not looking for empathy. I know how I feel and I know it is good to grieve the loss of what could have been. So many good things could have been.
I don’t even know that I need to talk about it.
I just need to cry. I need to sob.
I need to avoid my telephone and Facebook.
I need emergencies to stay away a little longer so the peace that is starting to settle can grow into a garden where I can rest my head at the markers of my lost dreams. My tears will water my future and make it grow into something different – maybe not better – but different.
I know so many who are still in the middle of it – trying to navigate the overwhelming darkness, making the best decisions they can with the little light and rations they have left. It may not be now or it may not be in this life that they can make it to that garden. I understand.
I am older, wiser and unafraid to say “I love you” to anyone to whom it applies.
I don’t wait for people to ask for help.
I don’t judge mothers with screaming babies.
I don’t have time to waste.
If you can give me space, I can grow to fill it.
I want to grow into a person who can graciously accept all that is offered.
I want to build the strength to fight for my dreams without resenting the obstacles.
When you see the tears falling down my face, do not pity me or try to convince me.
Hold my hand.
Just sit there.
Original Coldplay Video – Fix You
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